The Art of Man Sniping

Funny story:

So, of my 4 roommates, only Jasmine is single. And, as fate would have it, she and I have exactly the same type when it comes to guys. Tall, blonde-haired, light-eyed, fit, smart guys.

Anyway, I'm driving home from the airport after the 4 day trip I just got back from, and I see this guy walking his dog out in our apartment parking lots. Tall? Check. Blonde? Check. Fit? Double check. Smart? We'll see.

Ding, ding, ding! Winner!

Previously, when I was running at the gym weeks ago and saw another hot guy (which I told Jasmine about as soon as I got home) she told me that if I ever see an interesting specimen in our apartment vicinity I should call her immediately, instead of waiting until afterward. Understandable. Dude could be 3 blocks away by the time she heard about him.

Out here in Charlotte, not knowing a soul and constantly traveling, it can be hard for a single gal. I feel her pain. I may be off the market, but that doesn't mean I can't help a sister out.

I call Jasmine, and when she hears the news, she runs downstairs like the house was on fire. It just so happens that the guy came back around to our end of the apartment building just when she got down the stairs so it was a perfect meet-cute. As if I'd planned it that way. Of course we weren't going to hunt around for him in the dark and try to make it look accidental. *cough*.

Jasmine plays it cool and bends down and starts to pet the guys dog. I hint that we just moved in and would like to get to know more people. He introduces himself as Richard and invites us to the lake to hang out with him and his roommates. Now, I probably wouldn't go, because it would just give the wrong impression to a bunch of single guys (don't go to a steakhouse if you're a vegetarian) but I sincerely hope Jasmine does.

Back in the day, before I met Darcy, I enjoyed casually dating multiple individuals, and I got quite adept at the art of (as I call it) man-sniping. Now, not trying to toot my own horn. Just saying. I dated a lot and I learned a few things along the way.

So, here, is my unofficial list of tips to successfully meeting cute strangers when you're by yourself in a strange environment. Jasmine won't always have me as a wing woman. Things like this take a quick wit, good acting skills and a pinch of effort.

1. Men are very visual. If you're going out, wear something that highlights your favorite features. Do you have long, lovely legs? Wear a flattering skirt. Do you have nice toned arms? Wear something sleeveless. Do you have a goiter? Wear a scarf.


2. If you're going to do something drastic like have an accidental- on-purpose meeting, let that be the end of your pursuit. Toss the glove down, and if he's interested, let him pick it up. In other words, after that initial "oh your dog is so cute" meeting, let him get your number. Let him ask to hang out sometime. If not, let it go. He's just not that in to you. Or he has balls the size of raisins and couldn't jimmy up the courage. It happens. Whoopdeedoo. Fortunately, there are not a shortage of men on this planet.


3. Don't get too emotionally invested. Scared money never wins. If you go into a situation where you'd be devastated if he's not besotted with you after the first 5 minutes, you're probably going to end up disappointed. Go into it with the mental attitude of meeting a new friend, no strings attached. See where it goes from there. He may be really cool or he may be the type who cracks his knuckles, or crunches ice, or eats raw cat meat in his basement and that will be the end of your interest. You just never know.


4. Do not under any circumstances talk about your exes, any physical insecurities you have or how much you adore Say Yes To The Dress. Be yourself, but there's nothing I can't stand more than a girl whose like "I don't know why you like me. One of my nostrils is bigger than the other!" Get over yourself! Get some confidence! There's more to beauty than symmetry!


5. Try not to be a ho. Make sure a guy can stimulate your brain before you let him stimulate anything else. 'Nuff said.

Well, I'm sure there's more than that, but it's a start. I had fun writing it, and I hope you have fun reading it. I also hope things with Jasmine and Richard get crack-a-lacking. I'm good with the flint, but those two will ultimately have to rub their sticks together.